They Killed 'Em With Their Love

I thought I had some stability there with people. Just. Kidding.
way to prove me wrong, buddy.

So, I'm just being really rude and mean lately, and it's fun. It's natural to mock people, insult them, make them want to cry. This, my "friends", is why I'm a terrible person. And don't get me wrong. This isn't a "feel sorry for scottie" thing. It's a "get used to her" thing. You guys probably will hate me when I keep acting like this (except, like, the few who've been sticking with me) so you can go ahead and call me a twit now and get it over with. I really don't care anymore.

The people who I was complaining about knew it and they did everything they could to tell me I had it wrong. I believe them. They are the ones who are behind me now. They're my real friends, now. I just want to get that straight. Jess and Kate? I KNOW they are there for me. I don't care what you tell me against them. It doesn't matter right now 'cause I need people behind me. Like Maeve. Or Kasey. Or Katie. Or Sarah. Or Ellen. They are the people I don't really talk about, but they are the ones who don't care if I'm a cruel, mean person because they are either saying the same things or thinking the same things and it's why we get along.

Tear off your own head. It's a doll revolution.

I'm in a song-y mood, so here goes a lot of song refrences that, even if you don't know the song, you'll still get it. So read it.

I'm sick of staying paralyzed by fear of abandonment, so say hello to Mary. (Don't you dare call me that, but I'm doing the whole 'be yourself' crap i've been hearing from everyone) I don't care if it doesn't work and you run away. I'll deal with it.

It'll all catch up eventually. Well, it caught up and, honestly, it sucked. These past weeks sucked. I can't wait until the christmas break starts. But I'll never want it to end because I don't want it to go back to how it is now when we get back for mid terms.

I know you didn't mean it. But that doesn't make it better.

She said, "Why don't you just drop dead?" ((I'm not even gonna add my own words here.))

-----Scottie: Do you love your sister? Then don't say anything.

Who is she?

Who am I if not your neverend distaster?

Probably my favorite song I've written. I'd type it, but I don't feel like it.

I also don't feel like staying here anymore. I just want to move as far away as possible from my family. My dad just butts into everything I do and he's so mean. All he does is yell at me and tell me how horrible I am and then he runs off to praise Conor and build him shrines of dreams and privliges. I'm sick of being here now. I'd like to leave, please.


---Scottie: How far down would you go if I never came up again? Cause you're so sick of it all and you want to change everything

B.F.S.

Four years you think for sure
That’s all you've got to endure
All the total dicks
All the stuck up chicks
So superficial, so immature
Then when you graduate
You take a look around and you say HEY WAIT
This is the same as where I just came from
I thought it was over
Aw that’s just great

The whole damn world is just as obsessed
With who‘s the best dressed and who‘s having sex,
Who‘s got the money, who gets the hotties,
Who‘s kinda cute and who‘s just a mess
And you still don’t have the right look
And you don’t have the right friends
Nothing changes but the faces, the names, and the trends
High school never ends

Check out the popular kids
You’ll never guess what Jessica did
How did Mary Kate lose all that weight
And Katie had a baby so I guess Tom’s straight
And the only thing that matters
Is climbing up that social ladder
Still care about your hair and the car you drive
Doesn’t matter if you’re sixteen or thirty-five

Reese Witherspoon,
She’s the prom queen
Bill Gates,
Captain of the chess team
Jack Black, the clown
Brad Pitt, the quarterback
Seen it all before
I want my money back

The whole damn world is just as obsessed
With who’s the best dressed and who’s having sex,
Who’s in the clubs and who’s on the drugs,
Who’s throwing up before they digest
And you still don’t have the right look
And you don’t have the right friends
And you still listen to the same shit you did back then
High school never ends

Here we go again


----Scottie: The Great Burrito Extortion Case

Staring out the stands at a rock and roll band

Happy Thanks Giving, yo.

Scottie is getting her hair cut. Possibly this afternoon, probably tomorrow. Aren't you excited for her? Yaaay!

THe picture I'd found isn't there anymore, so just deal with not knowing. Jene, don't tell them my new hairstyle plan cause it's too awesome for them. Them meaning everyone. :D

Um....Yes. Now I must go put shoes on and go to mass. Hoo-rah. :D


--Scottie: Little holes in parachutes wont leave you falling. If they do, it's because you want to land.

Dear Jene,

JENE! This is all for you. Anybody is free to read it, though. It's important. *emo tears* I love you soooooooooooooooo much!!!!!! Even if "EVERYONE" everyone is being stupid and ditzy and whorish, you are one of the few people I know will be constantly decent. Please just trust that it's going ot be okay. Keep in mind that if these people deserve your love, they will redeem themselves. Otherwise, they aren't the peple you thought you knew and they aren't worth sticking with. I think I have to let everyone know that tomorrow. I think they need to know that they've changed and they have to either find themselves again or they have a few less people to look after them.

I love my friends, but these people aren't my friends. These people are slutty, stupid, acting-in-the-moment, mindless androids. I am not trying to be specifically mean or harsh, but it's true. It's not like I am saying these things about our friends, though, because our friends are lost. They have been replaced by the new generation of clones.

At BYCC, the theme was "This Generation Will..." and then they had all kinds of things. Change the world. Never be forgotten. Stuff like that. Looking at This Generation, I'm thinking it's true, but it's not positive like it should be. When there are so few decent people, how are we going to fix this world? (Obviously I don't mean that any more than two people could fix the world, but I mean people in general).

I'm thinking, 'Do I really want to live in a world where the bulk of the population is a type of person on whom morals and love are lost? 'Cause it's not just high school kids. This is what is happening to everyone. Everywhere. All over the place. I was pretty messed up(depresionwise) not long ago, and as soon as I was starting to feel better for the first time in years, this happens. I don't care about myself anymore. I feel awesome about myself. I actually feel BETTER than a lot of people.

I think out of all of us, Jene, you're the best. No matter what, you stick with the people you love. Everything you do seems to be in an effort to make us feel better. You are afraid of putting yourself before other because you don't want any of your friends to get hurt (it's okay to put yourself first though) and I think you're the sweetest person I've ever met. It's why I love you sooo much. When you're happy, you can just cheer anybody up. You can make anybody feel good. So please don't be sad. What happens is going to happen, so just stay on the sunny side. Just be proud of yourself (a good pride) and don't let other people's screw ups throw you off track. When they come around, they come around. No matter how long it takes. If they are worth it, they'll shape up. If they aren't, then they aren't who you loved. I know that you wont be influenced by them. I know how incredibly strong you are. But if you can't handle it, find the people you know will be there for you. I don't want you to feel like you HAVE to go to me, Maeve, Nick, or one of them. I just want you to feel like you can. I want you to feel like you can go to somebody and not look weak. Because you aren't. You never have been(for the time I've know you, at least) and I don't believe you ever will be. You're just one of those people that anybody can trust. It's just what you do. :)

I'm doing my best to be strong for you, and I'm doing my best to sort it all out in my own head. So don't ever feel alone if you're mad at or confused by these people. Don't ever change the way you are. We can't change these people, but I think we should be there for them when they turn around and see where they screwed up. When they turn around and see that we're waiting, I think they need to be able to walk along that path or shattered glass they've made and be our friends again. When they come around, I think we should be there. When our friends are back, we'll be waiting to welcome them (Prodigal Son-like). Right now, though, they're still lost breaking windows and walking on eggshells. A real friend, though, should be there when the masks are dragged off and these new, disgusting people are gone.

Just....please. Stop worrying about us, Jene. Just for now. It's our turn to be there for you. It our turn to be happy and try to cheer you up and that's what we're going to do. It's about time we did a little something to repay you for everything you've done for us.

This generation will destroy us if we don't stick together. This generation will tear down the walls and boundaries of decency and try to drag us in with them. This generation is lost.

I need a generation who can fight back. I need a generation who can stand up for themselves. I need a strong generation.

Now, more than ever, this generation needs to find God. I think that's it. I think they're all too lost to see him. They're crying out for attention and help, but they wont accept God. I think that's it. If they can find him and use his help, they will get better. I think that's it.




--Scottie: You always seem to put your trust in the ones you love, when you really should put your trust in the ones who still care for you when you dont love them enough.

God's Gonna Trouble The Water

I'm back. Yes. I am back and I rock. And I ran. So......talk to me. Wah.

The new Fall Out Boy songs make me happy. "It Ain't A Scene, It's An Arm Race" and "The Carpal Tunnel Of Love"

That's it.

---Scottie: God, I snow here? God is nowhere?: God is now here.

Don't See The Sky, I See The Ground Above, Below

Well this is goodbye. Until Sunday night, at least. I'm a-going to BYCC. So is le Maeve, so you can't talk to EITHER of us...unless you call us on our cell phones. but whatever. We'll probably be out swimming in the heated pool or hot guy hunting....Well, maybe not so much for Maeve. :D

Um, I'm going to go finish packing now and find my bottle of ACETAMINOPHEN! Hooray. There's antimony, arsenic, aluminum, selenium...:D


--Scottie: Iodine and thorium and thullium and thallium. O.o

It's Been A Bad Day, Another Bad Day

Kind of. Really boring. So I dug up some old pictures and drew a new one! The new on is for Erin, it's Pete Wentz, and all the rest are from last year. Bleh. Hurr they are. :D I said hurr. Teehee.







I drew THIS in eighth grade. This one took me, like, ten years. Kind of. It took a very long time and a lot of failed attempts and giving ups. But I kind of like it.

I think this picture is better in person, but it's okay. I'm proud of my attempt to recreate a Pete Wentz picture.



Yeah, well, there you go. I drew a little man dressed as a cowboy wearing a space helmet, but I didn't scan him yet. Does anybody know the source of the picture's contents? I will be ashamed if you DON'T.


-----Scottie: All I want to do is look at you and know it's okay

The Best Will Sure Survive

"Somewhere in the middle,
you'll forget what I'm going to say.
and I'll keep telling you
and continute repeating myself
just until you remember.

somewehre near the ocean,
the strangers met
in the middle of nowhere.
even with bodies falling around them,
they met in true perfection
and they knew this perfection was love,
but he knew it wouldn't last.

somewhere in a minute,
you'll forget what i have to say,
so i'll just continue my story for you
and start all over again when it's all over
they couldn't stop the wars
and they couldn't hide from the death
so they stood there.
in nowhere.
in 'perfect.'
forever, it seemed. for good.

but now, it's just beginning
and i know that you'll forget
but we haven't reached that point
so i can't start over yet.

they never left eachother
but still, there was no after.
only in-between existed
not a story or start.

this is only stupid memories---
and now, did we reach that part?
yes.
this is somewhere you forgot me
and it's somewhere you'll forget.
it was me and you
and you and me
but you wont remember that.

i tell everyone you died that 'day'
the day we stood in perfection
as bodies fell beside us...
...and we just didn't care."

"Maybe we didn't know.
we didn't know not to forget.
and you told them that i died...
you and i, though. we never met.

somewhere in the middle,
you forgot me.
that, I knew.
i carried on with nothing
because you were gone.
now i can hear you crying
and i know that our fate hurts
but with everything and nothing,
what more can we ask for?"

and, yes.
here's where it ended
and yes, where it began
but they were not a part of any of this
they never knew---
because they can't.

for the two who stood in perfection
neither life nor death were real.
but everything but anything
existed only 'in-between.'

somewhere in the middle
it was real and it was true
"somewhere in between"
"i knew him"
"and i knew you."
--M.R.S. 11/8/06


Picture time!
Coolest people ever(kind of....no, they are)

'nuff said.


Fabulousness. Too much fabulousness for my own eyes.


Just yes.


Have you heard about Hugo and Kim? (I am NOT giving you "THE FINGER" so do not fret.)

Of course:

Bailey and Cosmo being cute and 9 weeks old in England.


Told you I was a pro bowler once.


Definitely scarier that no acid was involved with this picture.


Sheer terror and awesome pantalones.


Yay! Just....yay! Glee! *dance of joy*


Yumm pre-homecoming dinner at the Maevenator's.


I lurv this picture.




--Scottie: Me gusto las tortugas! Te gusto las tortugas?!

I hate making so many posts

But go listen to "Homesick at Spacecamp" It's my new favorite/obsession.

---Scottie: and now my life is an open soul for all to see. so help me heal these wounds

I'll remember how my heart stops every time.

You all may not hear from me for a while, so, sorry. Just giving you a heads up. I've got rehearsal until 5:30 tomorrow and then I'm going from there to this thing at my church where they give me free jewelry, then Saturday Rynn and I are going to see the Prestige and are going to a party from there. Sunday I think I am doing something, but I don't remember what. After school every day next week, I've either got rehearsal or an appointment or something. I think I should have a massive crazy movie marathon Monday. All freaking day long. The Green Mile, Monty Python, the old Amityville Horror, Matango, all that jazz. My life is too filled with fun things. Why am I not happy?


--Falling forward as she walks towards the light.



You're setting youself up to die. It's sad, but that's your own wicked reality. I'll mock and insult you all day long, but--- aw, don't cry little emo girl! I swear I really meant it! I meant that you could go die. I meant that you could die any day now. So--- don't cry, little emo girl! Don't cry. I meant that you were a loser and I mean that you're a failure. You suck, I rock. You lose, I win. Go die, emo girl. Go die.

Isn't Jimmy Bennett Cute?

Well, I think he is.

Um....people are annoying. Specific people. Ew at them.

Yeah and people need to be online more often so I can talk to them. Most of my problems are related specifically to people. Not that they are the problem, they are just involved.

I like how the priest at mass today described me and then said, "This person is selfish. It is the work of the devil." So, yeah. You better look out for me. I'm the work of the devil.


----Scottie: Katch'em. Kill'em.