I Could Write It Better Than You Ever Felt It::My Pen Is The Barrel Of A Gun

To anybody who people said couldn't make it:

I felt bad, again, not having anything to write about. But I was thinking a little. Just a little. And I am glad that I didn't have much to write about. I realized that what I used to write about all the time was teen-drama, car crash hearts, and things. I wonder why I wrote it, though. I don't know if I thought I would fix things or not, but I don't think I really did much of anything anyway. So I think I'll stop trying so hard to do something with it. It's petty, stupid stuff that I can't fix in a blog. Or in 45, if you are getting my refrences. Although, 45 makes sense, sort of, as "Fix me in 45" refers to therapy sessions. (That's generally the duration according to Peter in Rolling Stone.)

I've found the safest place to keep all of my mistakes.
Every dot com's refreshing for a journal update.
So long live the car crash hearts.
Lie on the couch 'til the poets come to life.
Fix me in 45.

Do you think he means that the car crash hearts are really poets and they just need a little help getting there? I was talking to somebody the other day about sad songs. I think there are a lot of sad songs because it's so much easier to put sadness, frustration, and general negativiity into words. It's easier to say when you aren't good or you're sad. (And I know I sound like a little kid, but I don't care.)

In that song, I feel like he is saying the same thing. He can keep all of his secrets and mistakes and everything he has experienced online so that everyone can see it and appreciate it, I guess. I mean, that's what I do, in a way. And if it's the story about a car crash heart, the poet inside of them can write it eloquently enough to put it online for everyone and maybe it will fix something. When he says "Lie on the couch 'til the poets come to life. Fix me in 45," it's saying that you kind of just have to wait around for that inspiration or whatever you hit you and then the poet inside will, uhh, come to life. Obviously.

I can take your problems away
With a nod and a wave
Of my hand
'Cause that's just the kind of boy that I am

(Well, I am not a boy, but...) I wish I could do that. I wish I was good enough to help people. To fix their problems that easily. I can't really do that, though. Not until I know what I am talking about. And that will never happen. But unless I know everything, I can't help people without "cry(ing) on the couch until the poets come to life."
"It's much easier not to know things sometimes. An to have french fries with your mom be enough." - Stephen Cbosky

The only thing I've haven't done yet is die
And it's me and my plus one at the afterlife
I mean, I'd phrase it differently, in my own words and all, but I like how they said it so much better. I feel bad for that.

Crowds are won and lost and won again
But our hearts beat for the diehards

The diehards are obviously people who have stuck with them. So, for the band, their fans, I guess. But for me, the diehards are the people who still read my blog after two years. And, of course, the ones who will continue to read it no matter how much it sucks.

So I didn't mean to analyze this song, but I kind of ended up doing that, didn't I? Hmm...well, maybe you will have a new appreciation of it. It isn't just about smashing critics and bandwagon fans if you think about it.

I guess my point was: I am glad I don't write much anymore. It means that there is less I am beaing eaten alive by. And my friends, too. It usually means they are doing okay.

I wrote the gospel on giving up.

We don't fight fair,
---Mary rebecca: Bury me standing under your window with the cinder block in hand. Yeah, 'cause no one will ever feel like this again.

we're the new face of failure.


"I don't know. I just had a great day. I hope you did, too." - Charlie. :]

Pick up the moon?

are you nuts?

last night I saw a movie.

The days are gone
when he could tell you what he's fighting for
Mulligan goes to war

-------maryrebecca

Words of Wisdom for the Weary

I think I've changed my mind a little about that whole mask thing. Like, since I wrote that blog thing Monday on the ArmsofMisery blog.

I always said before that it was bad to wear a mask in front of people and I still think that, kind of. I still think people should be able to be only themselves all of the time and not be judged. However, I think that the way people use masks and the kinds of things the masquerade as define them and make them who they are.

Sometimes, I feel like you'd miss out on things if you were just being yourself. I can't really justify it. Just, in my experience, certain things wouldn't have happened to people if they weren't acting a little.

Of course I am not saying that you should try to be someone you aren't, but I think maybe it could be redefined. It's okay if you are pretending to be something you aren't because that might actually be who you are.

--Mary Rebecca. Your cover has been blown.

"time expires

we grow older
we missed our chance to love
slow down and watch the things that fly"

I am already terribly bored by this Thanksgiving break. I dislike Thanksgiving.

Turkey is gross.

Yes, I said it.

But the weather is delightful. I just can't enjoy it because i have so much crap to do.

Anyway.
I can't wait to see that Enchanted movie. It looks so cute.

Speaking of my disconnected train of thought, back to the weather. It's perfect for zombia movies and music videos. Hoorah. I'm afraid that if it rains, it will be too cold to film outside. And that would fail for my "Hurricane" video. Because it isn't cool if the people are shaking around all over the place.

"Gloria. We lied. We can't go on. This is the time and this is the place to be alive."

---maryrebecca. "don't let go. i wont let go. oh, please, you've gotta wake up. slow down and watch the things that fly."

so bring on the rain. bring on the thunder

fail. for the lose. blast. drat....phooey.
Somebody help me!!


I'm out of negative phrases! What will I do? And I'm out of things to write in my poem blog thing. Cause I think I've said it all before.
your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
I've seen this tree before. Didn't this all happen already? I remember being best friends with Jess, Jené, and Maeve then Jene drifted away and we all said, "No. We love her too much. We have to save her." Well now it's just a different army, don't you think? Don't get me wrong. I love Jene 578902 times more now and I want to help her 234059874 times more. But it's sort of different now because last time, this was my problem. Our problem, I guess. We needed to help her because a lot was going on. But now I'm not sure she needs our help as much anymore. Everyone has been so distant but is there really anything for anyone to do to make it better? Aside from us all hanging out and talking more, is there a lot that needs to be done?

Loneliness can't fix itself, but everything that stems off of it can. You just need to get rid of the loneliness, don't you?

maybe we're just being stupid
Hey, maybe we're being dumb
So hey now, maybe it's time that we stopped and we realize that like a flag in the wind we are one
And how at first it’s made so pure and lovely
But in battle can be torn to shreds
But with time and with patience and love and affection
Can be fixed with needle and thread
Because I love you and you love me
And nothing will make this leave





your eyes are the brightest of all the colors


------mary rebecca.
------------------"i can hear the memory in my ears. back to the years and all those tears but hear me when i say i'm glad we steered that way 'cause now we're here"

ps. ronald weasley doesn't like corn beef. why does his mother make it for him?

I swear I'll save you. I'd die without you.

I wish I had something to write about.
I am bored. And I have english stuff to do. I have to read and write a stupid response. And I have a quiz tomorrow. Ahhh.


Uhh, yeah. So once everything that's going on is out in the open, I can write a blog with an actual purpose. But until then, I am a secret-keeper and maybe a liar.

-----mary rebecca. i won't let the sea take you from me.

ps. check out my other blog. I update that a lot more. It's a little weirder to decipher, but if you must know what's going on, check it out. Although, it may confuse you since I do make a lot of refrences to older things i have written and if you haven't read those, the new stuff will make little so no sense.