after the rockets, after the rockets.

Once again. I hate my sestina. It's about the Romanovs. But I hate it, and Mrs. Lowe is in love with it. I don't understand things. I guess I have always liked the complete polar opposite of true poetry. What's wrong with my brain?



Once upon a time, there was a girl. And her name was Mary. And I really have no idea what she did that was so wrong, but it was something that her Dad was very angry about. No matter how many times Mary said that she was sorry, her dad would just say, "No. I don't care. Sorry isn't good enough." The next time Mary ever did anything wrong, he would say the same things to her.

I think I have issues with that. Well, because of that, maybe. I've heard that insecure people apologize a lot for things that aren't their fault. I apologize too much. Dang. But when something IS my fault, apologies are entirely useless. They don't make anything better, apparently. I have always found the opposite to be true, but, clearly, i favor the opposite of propriety.

Whatever. Today I just blahh. I decided just to not apologize anymore. It's no good, I've heard.


You know what else? I never watch Scrubs. But I just turned it on for the first time of my own accord. And I wish I had someone who would just sit in the middle of a room with a lamp on the floor with a bunch of other stuff and not be grossed/weird-ed out by my crying. And they would just try to be there and listen. That would make me feel better. Even if they didn't actually do much to make me feel better. If i just had someone not be annoyed by me. Then I could stop being so..... All of the time. annoying


[[Sidebar: I didn't feel like communicating this via facebook message. And I know you read my blog. So what the heck. I mean, yeah. Thanks for explaining and apologizing (because at least, to me, that counts). Also, thanks for having no faith in me at all. Or in our friendship. I think that sucks.]]


BYCC was a joke. It made me really mad, actually. I'd say more about it, but it's late and I am going to 9:00 mass tomorrow. So goodnight.

---Scottie: has a charming air, all cheap and debonair.

I went to sleep a poet and i woke up a fraud

My sonnet is dreadful. Mrs. Lowe will like it. What good is that though?

I can't write! Gah.

I think that I can't not think. Yeah, it's a curse of being a girl. So that just means I have to deal with it, I guess. Remember rainbows? I totally just made the connection in my brain. It's that I don't have anybody to paint rainbows like I did in that poem. I mean, yeah, I have people, but i haven't had people. That was the problem. I didn't have someone to paint tragedy in the colors of the rainbow. And I've given up trying to salvage any bit of the old rainbows. I can't take it anymore. But I don't know. It's kind of a crazy coincidence, don't you think? Isn't it a little too crazy that i wrote about my hero of last year, and i wrote about the rainbows and the tragedy. and the painting. And now, I lost my hero. ...sort of. They just aren't my hero anymore. but someone is. Someone's got to be. And this time it's different because they know.

I can't get over it. It's just the strangest thing.( =] ) You have a rainbow machine? that's a heck of a lot more effective than paint. That may just be my opinion. But this time my hero is better. This time my hero has the Big Guy behind him. That helps a lot.


If you read this, you probably read my other blog. I have changed the name several times. Dance Through Sunday. Happy End. Pass the Horizon. I can't choose. i think I may just revert back to the original. Regardless, if you are confused as to this rainbow business, here's a hint:

if you are standing twenty seven days from today and turn all the way around, you'll see it.

And we'll see it. We'll see it, we'll see it.

--Scottie: when i turn jet black, you show off your light. i live to let you shine.

The Lowest Highlands

Tonight I went to see a show. And it was so much fun. I went with Conor and Jay and I knew plenty of people in it so...it's fun to watch that kind of stuff. I wrote some commentary in my bookie thing though. it was a large bookie thing.

Anyway, I am trying to fix stuff now. I still don't sleep much and I'm sad a lot of the time.
So I'm trying. And I'm not very good at it.

Oh well.

Oh my. It's 1 o clock.

I am making a music video at some point. out of pictures. to "Heregoesnothin" by nevershoutnever. wish me luck.

---Scottie: my dream dies as the time flies.