Nothing Else Matters

"Hope is the thing with feathers--

That perches in the soul--

And sings the tune--without the words--

And never stops at all."

-Emily Dickinson

Coincidentally, Hope is the only thing I have left. Every day I regret going back to Franciscan this year more. It's just not what is important to me. All I want is a business degree. It would be sad to leave my household and to miss out on Austria, but to me, it would have been worth it.

What's the pits is that it probably wouldn't be anymore. I think my chance came and went, and I know that was it. I can't stand it. If there was anything I felt like I could do, I would do it. Anything--in a heartbeat. But I think that's that. Now I'm just not sure how to go about being okay with it. I don't want to. I don't want to be okay with this and let it slide by. I don't think we will be the special two again, but I would do anything if I thought it would give me half a chance.

We walk the plank on a sinking ship.

So right now, I have the choice between the lifeboat and the sinking Titanic.

If I pick the lifeboat, I'll be fine. Everything will be dandy.

If I pick the Titanic, I'm destined to fail, but it will be a much better show going down than the lifeboat.

I'm stuck.