What I Did Over My Summer Vacation

Mmkay. Here’s how it went down!

A group of the Children of the Corn involved in the Broadway Review were staying down at this house my family uses in Ocean City. The house was way too tiny to accommodate all of us, so a few met their demises withing the first week of this bizarre vacation.

Alli Quinn
Cause of Death: Drowning
Note: Fell into marsh behind house. Giant Dean Koontz cockroach got her.

Nick Langan
Cause of Death: Defenestration(Being thrown out the window).
Note: Pushed by the ‘attractive’ Nick L.

Within the next week of our visit, a great tragedy befell us. On an innocent trip to the beach down the road by the Greene Turtle, three more members of our group were lost.

Jenni Doty
Cause of Death: Lost at sea
Note: Floated away. O.o

Serena Palmer
Cause of Death: Lost at sea
Note: Dragged away with a bodysurfer by the tide

Maura Duffy
Cause of Death: Impalement
Note: Hit by a speed boat. Caught on motor.

As the rest of the group (at this point, it’s Me, Jené, Kirsten, Nick L, Dana, Vicki, and Conor. I don’t know what he’s doing there, but he was there) return to the house. It’s getting late and Vicki decides to make us dinner. Jené, Nick, Kirsten and I decide that it would be unsafe to eat Vicki’s cooking so we’re gonna hit the Greene Turtle. Tragedy strikes again.

Jené Andrews
Cause of Death: Roadkill
Note: Hit by a german 18 year old dressed fully in purple driving a semi/tractor-trailer type vehicle.

Returning to the house after our dinner, we find Dana watching TV and Conor is hiding in one of the rooms. In the kitchen:

Victoria Smith
Cause of Death: Concussion
Note: Clubbed by Conor with a saucepan.

Once I had disposed of Vicki’s body, we all watched the news until everyone fell asleep. Except me of course, because how else would we know what else happened that night? In the middle of the night (I am in true Elton John form!) there came, at the door, an obnoxious pounding. I get up and open the door to find Good Ol’ Cara Paul and Josie Iome! Thinking it would be extremely rude not to invite them in, they join our group.



The next day, the next tragedy. Turns out, I have crappy dulled judgment and Josie, who wasn’t really Josie but Stumpy Dowd or something, fled the house early in the morning out of guilt.

Conor Scott
Cause of Death: Suffocation
Note: Strangled with a mothball smelling, old-fashioned costume dress.

Dana Gullard
Cause of Death: Loss of Blood
Note: Stabbed to death by a certain Iome.

So the remainder of the group decided, that afternoon, to hit the mini-golf course. Not the greatest idea, we found. After being pursued by Scotsmen who were angry that we were taking so long on the golf courses, the first horror of that day:

Nick Lyle
Cause of Death: ???
Note: Pushed by Scotsman. Flew over putting green. Hit windmill. Sucked into hole under windmill.

Horrified, Kirsten, Cara and I return to the house. Cara soon leaves to visit her family and we do not hear from her again in this dream. On the last day of our traumatic vacation, the last tragedy strikes.

Kirsten Kidwell
Cause of Death: Possessed/Suicide
Note: Possessed by ghost of Alli. Slashed own throat.

I, Scottie, remained. I was the only one to survie this horrid trip to Ocean City. I advise that you never travel near that place with me. Unless you want this bizarre dream to become an even weirder reality.

--Scottie: Until Next Time.