come on, kid. look at what you did.

I don't like to see my friends unhappy. I don't like being helpless to fix it. I don't feel like I do much for people and as much as someone may say to the contrary, it's not what I am looking for so I'm not going to accept it. Just to get that out of the way.

Sometimes there are people who I think just deserve to be happy. I mean, JUST happy. Once you go through enough, you have paid your dues and should be happy.

There is this really amazing person and they have been dealing with a lot. I don't know the whole of it, but even what I know is a lot. And I really hope they can just be happy when everything settles. Even if it's just for a while.

There is this other awesome person who seems to only dig deeper into this mess of confusion and misery and craziness. And I think there oughta be a ladder at the bottom.

I don't know why either chooses to be friends with me, but they do. And I am blessed for that. Because they really ARE a blessing to anybody. I hope they realize that. I'll pray that they realize that.

Some people don't deserve too much pain, but that doesn't stop it from coming. And it seems pessimistic, but I don't believe God is testing you. I don't believe that he is giving people these burdens because he knows they can handle them. I know that they wouldn't be overburdened if He had anything to say about it, but that's different. God isn't doing this to people. God doesn't do things to cause us pain. People always accept that God acts on Earth. He acts in small ways like happy moments, and he acts in huge ways like miracles. Why, then, do people only see Satan in the big things he does like Possessions and Ouija boards? He does little stuff too.

I'm not saying natural calamities and death and things are works of Satan, that's ridiculous. I am simply saying that it shouldn't be forgotten that evil is very present so you can't just blame God.

When bad stuff happens, don't worry about it. If you are hurt by it, remind yourself that it's for a higher purpose. I believe that the purpose something has is always served. And once it is, it's time to go and make room. It's time for people to start to go over what has been achieved in the lifetime of whatever it is that passed on.

I don't think that made sense.

---Scottie: you can't kill heroes.

100 Posts. 100 Things

you're vain
your games
you're insecure
you're not skinny
you're not pretty
you're not crazy
you're no fun
i've seen better
i've heard better
i've read better
------------------
you can help
you have pull
your hair is cute
your clothes are cute
nice shoes
nice work ethic
nice voice (just nice)
you're different
you're your own
at least you don't care what they say
------------------
you care what they say

there aren't 100 things you'd care to read. There aren't 50 for each list.
it's only fair to stop while i'm ahead.

--Scottie: the team's losing ground to the opposing defense.

a deserted cartoon that i wrote

By the way. I can't remember if I have talked about this before.

I don't like when bad things happen to good people. But I like it even less when those people ask "Why did this happen to me?" when really it just happens to affect them. If a friend or family member dies, it isn't about you. The Question isn't "How could you do this to me, God?" it's "Did they really deserve that?" or "How can I cope with this?"

People are naturally selfish in that way. I'm not saying I've never thought things like that. But I just wanted to say this all.

I don't think it's fair to make someone else's tragedy all about yourself. I understand. I'm not angry at people who do that. I just wish they understood.

Then again, who says I understand? I could be totally wrong.

--Scottie: you know you did it.

strike a pose on a cadillac.

Demi Lovato sang "That's How You Know" from Enchanted. It was fabulous.
THe Jonas Brothers. Ahhhh. Just....ahhhh.

win.

So, i may adapt other people's philosophies and stuff, but I make them my own, sort of. I don't just say, "That's something to live by" unless it's something that I'd have thought up eventually. Like, this song. "That's How You Know." It's stupid. The thought is nice. But it's all like, what you can buy someone or somewhere you can take someone. And that's how you know. Um, no. Fail. You know because you know. Not because he wears your favorite color.
I read your letter. The one you left when you broke into my house. I’m retracing every step you made and you said you meant it. There's a piece of me in every single second of every single day. But if it’s true to tell me how we got this way.


So I have two versions of "Soco Amaretto Lime" and as much as I love Jesse Lacey. I think I prefer Brand New's version. I don't like Jesse's guitar.


Where are you now? As I’m swimming through the stereo I conduct a symphony of sound.
Where are you now? As I'm cutting through you track by track I swear to god this mix could sink the sun
Well if the mix could sink the sun, the sun needs the moon's eyes. But the moon kind of gets eclipsed and it stands alone. And that's when everyone takes notice. I don't like summer though. So I don't care if the sky is golden.
Just saying.

I'm digging the quotes a little too much today. Just a little. I almost typed "I need to find a retarded kid and teach him how to play softball." But then I decided not to. So much Gilmore Girls information intruding in my brain.

This blog feels useless. I don't have a lot to talk about. I want to go to Jené's house.
I want to sleep on the bottom bunk of her bed.
I want to take goofy pictures with her.
I want to eat sourdough bread.
I want to write my name on a plastic cup.
I want to listen to mix tapes.
I want to make offensive backgrounds for her computer.
I want to play on her swing set.
I want to play on the Wii or something.
I want to over-dress for the occasion too.
I want to (and will) make her a new mix tonight because I haven't in a long time.

I miss you.
-Scottie: I never knew just what it was about this old coffeeshop I loved so much.

one man show?

I am listening to the "A Little Bit Longer" CD from the Jonas Brothers. Erin, Laura, and I have 10th row seats to see them at Nissan tomorrow. I need to decide what to wear. I have no clue other than the red skinnies. And possibly a skirt over them.

So Ryan mentioned "Birches" by Robert Frost yesterday and I have been carrying it around rereading it. And I really like it. It's wonderfully ambiguous. But I think the gist of what I keep getting variations of when I read it is this: You can't sacrifice all of the good times for the bad ones. You can't let a phase ruin all of the happy times. You can be happy in your life, but it usually comes with pain and sadness as well. Then again, it all depends on how you choose to look at it. Somebody else probably has it worse.


I like in "BB Good" on this CD when Joe goes, "I wanna kiss you!" It's so silly sounding.

I started writing differently. If you noticed the "Faceless Days Seemed So Simple In The Moonlight" poem, it's really different. The ones from High LI aren't as different. But it's a new approach to writing that I have. With the "Faceless Days" poem especially, it's one that I want to be figured out. It's one that I can't explain any better than it is written. And I was listening to a cd when I was writing it and everything just seemed so applicable so I wrote down my connections of the lyrics that stood out to my life and the situation and then I went back through the next day and sort of encrypted everything. (Obviously, though, I didn't bother 'coding' the first one on the "oil" set.)

You know how I am. I'm not the kind of person who can just say things. Drawbacks (perhaps) of being an introvert to this extent.

So I hope you can figure out these new posts. Well, those new posts. On the newly renamed "Happy End" blog.

I love you.

---Scottie: The engine's stalled and it wont stop raining.