I know everything. I don't know anything.

Sometimes I check my own blogs just to see if I updated them. Because sometimes I come across poems that I don't remember. And I need help figuring them out.

I think that makes me a legit literary failure. If I don't even know what my own work could possibly mean, I think that means that it's wrong.

Then again, some things can affect you and mean things to you without making sense at all. I don't think that I write those kinds of things. Ergo, fail.

if you'll be my star, i'll be your sky.
you can hide underneath me and come out at night.

Obama just said "embolded." lols.

Business: My throat hurts. I will be sick for Linthicum day. and the first AYAC meeting. So, warning, AYAC people who don't even read my blog. I sound like a man. This is abnormal. I promise.


i live to let you shine

I don't feel good. My tummy box hurts and my nose is all sneezy. I miss my high li friends a lot a lot. I kept being reminded of them today. Murielle totally made a Lauren face. Then gave me a Tinkerbell backpack which reminds me of Tomware. It was packed with stuff including jolly ranchers (which remind me of jolly ranchers) and Snickers. Which = Snickers. Duh. I got more combs because my little sister knows me completely, and they are the same combs that tyler and i use. "pretty" was overused immensely in my classes today and it was kind of annoying but then i was like, "oh. Amanda" and it was okay. Lastly, I saw a sharpie drawing on the heating pole at school. and it was of a bunny with a crooked head because it had had a stroke. Which Kasey told us about sophomore year. And now, i connect Kasey to Jeffy inside my head. so there you go.


you can set sail to the west if you want to

I am not doing as well as I'd have hoped in creative writing. I didn't like the last assignment. We had to write about something despairing that was positive and happy at the end. So I picked my Jesus story. And I wrote about my high li and this past one. And the oil and ashes service. And how that made me feel like a piece of crap covered in snow just like Martin Luther said (oh sps.). And I was apparently supposed to expand more on the inner torment that I felt. I was supposed to give an in depth analysis of my spirit being completely broken and fake and lousy. I spent most of the paper talking about that in the first place, then I barely had time to talk about the good part and about that speech that made me brain completely start clicking into place. I thought that would be more important, but I guess my teacher prefers the pain.

I don't know about you, but that isn't something that I want to revisit at the moment seeing as I am still scotch taping it back up. I don't want to lose my cool. That's sort of the deal with everything right now, isn't it? Anyway. I thought that my paper would be a little bit better, but I don't know. Maybe I assume too much. If any of my high li friends read it, they'd understand. But I am not good at explaining, I guess. I can't paint the picture. And that's kind of the point.

I think I'll go write something on my other blog. I want to rename it again. After a song. is that lame? I'm just going to see how it looks.

---Scottie: I live to make you free.

it burns me straight to the bone

-nobody will go to the picnic with me.
-none of my replacement people will go to the picnic with me.
-i have a ton of homework and will now be wasting my time at a stupid picnic all by myself.
-my fingers hurt because i keep getting random scratches at work and i don't know how or why.
-my hair looks stupid.
-i can't think of a good enough design for a hat that i am supposed to be making.
-i have to work today.
-nobody is ever online or awake or there when i try to communicate with them.
-i feel like i need to sneeze.
-i have felt like i need to sneeze for at least 12 hours now.
-my stomach is eating itself.
-the ukulele people said that they aren't shipping my uke until Wednesday.
-i wont get the uke until Friday.
-i have nothing to wear.
-i have to go to 11:00 mass with the annoying asian girl singer and the priest that i really really really can't stand.
-i am going to miss 11:11.
-nobody is going to make sure that I remember anyway.
-i have to type up stuff for Creative Writing that doesn't exist because I don't think that it should.
-i have to read Acts of the Apostles today.
-i should be doing homework right now.
-i can't because there is too much on my mind and i have to get it out somehow.
-it's not making me feel any better or less pressured.

+at least I am home alone. i usually hate that.

--Scottie: you want a war? you got a war. but who are you fighting for?

i live to let you shine

today was crappy. and i feel like talking to someone. but nobody is online and i feel really guilty calling them unless i know they aren't busy. and i don't feel like talking on the phone because i have issues with thinking on my feet and being sensible at the same time.

But I want my shoes. And I want to call Cingular. I want my ukulele and I want a guitar and I want to play music. But I can't even do that because my mom is having a Bunco party. So I am listening to a mix cd that I haven't had a chance to give to my friend. That fails.

I'm just in a bad mood. And I am going to go finish Tom's little brother's new hat. and start a pattern for a new hat. If you want one, just tell me what you want it to look like. pattern and picture wise at least.

--scottie: i live to make you free